Saturday, February 13, 2010

Rejection

Two things before I start-
1) Though I write this in very close proximity to Valentine's Day, it is mere coincidence, and is not about a female.
2) I'm not looking for pity, but rather prayer.

Over a year ago, I began the process of searching for an internship in Germany. Before I knew it, I had been accepted by New Mission Systems, Intl. Soon enough, I had a length set, as well as dates (at least the starting month to end month.) Then came the budget.
Letters went out, fasting was done, prayers were said...months went by, and only a tenth of the money came in. We decided to push back the internship, but money, both one-time donations, and pledges, didn't come. I came to accept that it just wasn't time yet. I had some things in my life with which to deal (let's call them for what they are - sins.) So I moved on, or so I thought...
There may have been other contributing factors, but when I realized the internship was indefinitely postponed, my motivation to finish school, or to have forward motion in my life at all, more or less died.
I got an apartment here in Joplin, and since then I've been on a journey. God knows I've been far from perfect on this journey. Sure, I gained some wisdom, but I gained some hurt as well. This journey, though, was my attempt at refinding meaning. Since I wasn't going to Germany, what was I going to do with my life?
Many of you knew I looked at various professions, from oil rig worker to wind turbine mechanic and so on. I slowly accepted, however, that none of these were going to bring me meaning. The other day my mentor called me out on how I've been. He said it seems I'm just floating along, waiting to see what will happen next. Well, as writers know, this could be considered my "inciting incident." In a story, this is basically a catalytic event which propels the protagonist, hopefully in the direction of making his story meaningful.
All this to say I finally was able to talk to some friends about the rejection I felt from not getting to go to Germany. Self-caused rejection, perhaps. Or maybe rejection is not the right word. Regardless, my life is starting to get refocused. This coming week I'm going to start figuring out how to reenter the collegiate experience, and, well, we'll go from there.

Until then,
Grace and Peace.

PS If you want to know what I mean about a meaningful life, check out Donald Miller's Million Miles in a Thousand Years.

1 comment:

OzarkMom said...

I have to say that I wondered what caused this sudden change. Tell your mentor that we're very grateful for whatever he said to get you turned around. I, too, have thought you were just floating - and wanted to say something, but I guess God wanted someone else to say it. When I talked to you last night, you sounded much more like yourself - like a weight had been lifted. Thank God! We love you.